Description: "Build your own healing energy tools and balance."
Our take: Congratulations on making the bat-scat craziest program ever. This wonder download turns everyday objects into Tachyon antennae that detoxify you and stuff. And if you believe that, I'd like to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge, cheap. As a bonus, I've already turned it into a Tachyon antenna.
Description: "Display art images of multicoloured hair strands on your desktop."
Our take: Just as compelling as it sounds--maybe less. Misspelling the trademark "Technicolor" adds an extra touch of hpness.
Description: "Plan and manage your outfits."
Our take: The world has not been crying out for a wardrobe database with "special Pink logic." Also, I'd like to think that anyone who could photograph and scan his entire wardrobe could probably dress himself.
Description: "Approve friends and send thank you comments for MySpace.com."
Our take: If you find yourself fretting that people you don't know have to wait for minutes on end to add you to their MySpace friends list, you do need friends.
Description: "Play prerecorded videos on your messenger client while chatting."
Our take: If there's one thing sadder than seeking out Webcam chats, it's faking the video footage for Webcam chats. Please stop ruining the Internet for those who are actually attractive.
Description: "Choose topics and experience hypnotherapy sessions based on them."
Our take: My baloney has a first name; it's H-Y-P-N-O.
Description: "Activate your desire to stay healthy and happy constantly and effortlessly."
Our take: Call me a skeptic, but I don't think sitting still and staring at your computer for 15 minutes each morning and evening will help you to lose weight.
Description: "Display subliminal messages for improving your self-confidence, self-esteem, and memory skills."
Our take: The best part about this download is that you can write in your own affirmations. Perhaps someday my husband will find himself clearing brush from our backyard without really knowing why.
Description: "Create and add popups to your Web site easily."
Our take: Can't figure out how to make people hate your Web site even more? Try adding pop-ups!
Description: "Practice your skills on arcade fruit-machine games on your PC."
Our take: All the fun of pressing a button on a slot machine with none of the tedium of winning money. Awesome.
Description: "Create wacky stories with Mad Libs for your phone."
Our take: This poopy program is for smelly pens .
Description: "Search for beauty tips and information on various Web sites."
Our take: Please, just learn how to use Google, future plastic surgery disaster.
Description: "View images and documentary information about UFOs on your desktop screensaver."
Our take: This screensaver purports to prove the universe is "teeming with intelligence," but it just reinforces my belief that the opposite is true. At least on this planet.