the 404

On today's show, we trade in one Wilson for two MTIs- sounds like a deal! Mark's pop sits in on this episode where we officially begin the JYu PS2 project, give an update Justin's floating apartment, provide video game console updates, and reminisce about pogs, mechanical pencils, and the good ol' days when places like Walmart didn't exist.

Mark's Dad visits the studio today and sits in on the podcast and Mark replaces Wilson on the show- two Marks for the price of one! And the good news keeps on coming when Jeff busts out his dusty old PS2! That's right, I'm now an official "gamer!" He also brings along God of War for me, so I'm really excited to go home and set it all up and get to the gaming. Also, a really big thanks goes out to all of the awesome listeners that offered their old PS1 and PS2 games, I really appreciate it. Someone even offered their old Dreamcast system and a ton of titles to go along with it! Now that I think about it, it'd be better if I just borrowed a few games at a time, I know you guys can trade in those old titles for some serious $$$!

We also talk about a few stories about the Olympic events and some more video game mumbo jumbo, but my favorite part of today's show was when we reminisce about school supplies! Apparently Walmart is giving away shopping lists supposedly specified by local school teachers, but the thing is, they're fabricated! As a matter of fact, several of the items on these lists are actually banned from school! All this talk about grade school takes me back...I remember being a young lad, doe-eyed and ready to take on the world one fry daddy at a time and all the useless, expensive gear that got lumped into "back to school." Trapper keepers, lunch boxes, thermoses filled with chow mein (no joke, it's an Asian thing), and POGS! Man, I was so good at pogs that I didn't even use the cardboard discs, I played for slammers! BAM!

EPISODE 168

On today's show, Wilson's back and infecting us all with illness. Don't worry though, his laugh is definitely still there! We change the Army's motto, check out the Sim Cityesque building in Dubai, quarrel over history's best video game controller, announce the winner of our Go!Animate contest, and have a ton of fun...until it gets super awkward in midshow. Surprisingly, it's not Wilson's fault! Listen in to get the full scoop.

I might be homeless soon. Let me just say that there's nothing like waking up in the morning and groggily walking out of your room only to be up to your knees in raw sewage. Because of some serious plumbing issues, I had to literally swim out of my apartment to get to the office, but I got here safe and relatively sound. Hopefully my buddies Mario and Luigi will make an appearance and save the day. (Check the video game reference, Jeff!). If I do have to move out of my apartment, though, maybe I can move in with Jeff's buddy from Hoboken that he mentions, anything is better than raw sewage, right? Speaking of which, here we are almost a week after Jeff promised to give me a PS2 and I still have nothing to show for it. The top of my television remains console-less. What the eff Jeff, stop Bogarting that PS2! Do me a favor and leave a voice mail bugging that fool to give it over already, the excitement is building!

I'd like to officially congratulate our buddy Nelson Wan for winning our Go!Animate contest! We received hilarious submissions from our buddy Zen, Pac Gamer, and a ton of others, but we felt that Nelson's video completely captured The 404 dynamic--we plan on using it for future projects, so check it out! Hey Nelson, if you're reading this, e-mail us at the404[at]cnet.com and let us know your T-shirt size.

EPISODE 167

On today's show, we're joined by two of the girls from NewYork.com! Wilson's sick, but he misses out on an insane show filled with the girls drooling over Michael Phelps, even more slanted eye pictures, Nintendo bikinis, Apple store nightmares, and a possible NewYork.com/404 meetup!? Listen for more details!

Wilson can't make it to the show today so we replace him with two of the fantastic ladies from NewYork.com! "Broadway Baby" Hillary and "Soho Hot" Amanda are a real treat to have in the studio, especially for the preshow...did someone say Cher?! If you haven't checked out the Web site, go and see what New York has to offer; there's restaurant reviews, a theater box office, tourist guides, and their newest project, City of Fame. Go check it out and submit your best video impression of John McCain or Barack Obama for a chance to win a cash prize! Their store also features a ton of NewYork.com items to show off your N.Y. pride, including housewares, baby bibs, and even a thong! Skalllliieee!

The girls start the show by gushing over Michael Phelps, that scandalously clad swimmer with a cut, but freakishly odd body. Whatever the reason might be, Hillary and Amanda definitely aren't the only ones that love watching Phelps work it out in the pool, but his low cut suits and 37-pack abs are gaining notoriety. It might just be jealousy, but that swimsuit is borderline NSFW; I'm trying to think if I'd really want my preteen daughter watching this guy cut it up on TV. Whatever the case, if the NewYork.com girls want to see more Phelps, they're going to get more Phelps!

And speaking of bathing suits, check out this one It's a two piece bathing suit with the original Nintendo buttons strategically placed over certain areas...I'd like to say that this was a good idea, but I just can't imagine many women buying this suit and wearing it to the beach. Just imagine the type of guy you'd attract--is that really the attention you want? From a drooling, greasy, pale faced kid that wants nothing more than to press the "start" button? If that's what you wanted, just come on The 404 already.

We also get an excellent e-mail from our buddy Tony, who offers to donate a few of his older PS2 games to the Get Justin Into Video Games Foundation! Jeff's going to give me his extra PS2 console this week, so be sure to tune in to help us schedule my next homework assignment and hear my take on the games you probably played over four years ago. Thanks Tony!

EPISODE 166

On today's show, it's all about guido fist pumps and geopolitics. Psyke! We actually talk about big foot news (down, but not out), more Spanish insensitivities, ugly ducklings, neuvo guido fashion, the Goslings vs. the Reynolds, and Wilson's disturbing explanation of evolutionary breast development.

After receiving an e-mail from one of our listeners requesting coverage of the dismal political climate in modern Georgia, we dig deep and produce: "I love the money pit." That's all we have to say about that. There are few things that we don't discuss on The 404, and one of them is politics; not because we don't want to offend opposing views, it's mostly because we don't know jack squat other than what we read on the internet. So, dear listeners, we'd like to point you here, here, or here. However, if you'd like to hear our opinion on bigfoot, bra technology, or a killer Dave Chappelle impression impression, listen on!

And now for some disappointing news. I know you'll be surprised and saddened to hear it, but unfortunately the Bigfoot press conference produced more questions than answers. Even worse, scientists revealed the DNA test results and concluded that the two samples came from a human and a possum. There's a very obvious explanation here: Bigfoot's lucrative PR agency has tampered with the evidence so as not expose the timid, camera shy creature. Frankly, I agree with their actions: you can't forcibly coax a butterfly from its cocoon, you have to patiently wait for it to reveal itself, and I'm still confident that in time, we'll get irrefutable evidence to his existence. For now, all we can do is read his tweets.

Finally, I'd like to apologize for something on behalf of The 404. I'd like to give a heartfelt "sorry' to our buddy Ryan Gosling for discrediting his wonderful breadth of cinema work and mistaking him for Ryan Reynolds, another equally talented actor but with a widely different personality- I won't make excuses for why we made this egregious mistake, I can only apologize on behalf of The 404 for not recognizing his work in "2 Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place," "Blade: Trinity," "Van Wilder," and a smorgasbord of other silver screen successes. A personal note to Mr. Gosling: Hey Goz, we really appreciate you leaving us a voicemail and putting an end to the mass confusion in the office on Friday. You handled our ignorance with composure and grace, even when others continue to glaze over your wide-reaching film career. I can only hope that you'll continue listening to The 404 and perhaps even one day help us host an episode. Thanks buddy!

EPISODE 165

On the show today: Dan the Mantern has his first day as the official 404 stenographer, a dude gets a girlfriend and sells off his entire videogame collection, Jeff finally agrees to give Justin his old PS2, Wilson introduces the worst story ever to infect the show, and a quick discussion of college mating rituals. Disney also has a bad week: Cinderella and Tinkerbell get cuffed in front of a hoard of screaming fans and the Disney fatcats "dive in" to little girls' underwear.

I'd like to give a warm welcome to the newest CNET TV Intern, Daniel Allen. He prefers "Dan," but please join me in calling him Dan the Mantern. As the unofficial 404 slave, he'll be taking notes, troubleshoot the camera, and waking me up after extended gaming discussions. Feel free to order him around, maybe grab you a cup of virtual coffee? Just kidding Dan, first rule of The 404: never take anything we say seriously. Dan will not be doing any sort of busywork, but you will hear him chime in from time to time on the show, hopefully he doesn't take any lessons from Wilson the "Monkey" man.

It's Friday today, so naturally we have a ton of fun and I believe that's two awesome shows in a row for us. Even though the girls of NewYork.com couldn't make it today, they'll be here next Tuesday, and besides- who needs beautiful women when you have fresh-out-of-college male intern? We start the show by poking a little fun at a guy who was auctioning off his 1700 piece video game collection on eBay...before it got taken down for some reason. My theory is that he got a girlfriend and she took one look at his collection and forced him to put it up on eBay. "No boyfriend of mine is gonna have THIS much fun," she said. But then he was like "Honey, I've been collecting this stuff for over 30 years now but I love you, like, so much, so I'll do it" but then halfway through the auction he chickened out and was like "Waiiiit a second, what the heckbeans am I even doing right now? Are you still interested in anything you were 30 years ago? I love this stuff more than you, so just stop trying to change me." Wait, was that a scene from "40 Year Old Virgin?" That's probably what happened anyway.

After talking way too much about videogames, I finally demand to be included and we come up with an excellent new segment for the show. Jeff will donate his old Playstation 2 to me and choose a list of top games for me play and give weekly updates on my progress. This is going to be great, I already have a few titles that Jeff's chosen for me. They include "Okami," "Shadow of the Colossus," "Resident Evil 4," and "God of War I and II." I have no idea what any of those words mean, but they'll become Yu household names very soon. Somehow I get the feeling that I'm going to open up a huge can of Haterade on each one of those titles, but I'll keep an open mind.

After discussing our sneaky steamy college exploitations (I'll leave that part out of this blog to preserve our young readers' eyes), we get into some bad news about Disney. I hate to speak ill of a company that's provided me with countless hours of joy and escape from the real world, but here at The 404 we're Fair and Balanced, so here goes nothing: Disney is under scrutiny from the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children after a grandmother complained about a pair of underwear she recently purchased for her granddaughter. The garment features promotional material for the popular movie "High School Musical" and has "Dive In" printed on them, BUT before you go jumping to conclusions, there's an ocean scene prominently displayed as well, so maybe everyone should just get their minds out of the gutter, huh? Maybe they should all read THIS!

This Friday show is also filled with many more stories- some perverse, some obscene, some offensive, but all fun and definitely SFW if you work for Howard Stern or Larry Flynt. Have an excellent weekend! (Seriously, Ryan Gosling was in "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place," right?)

Oh yeah, one more thing: our buddy PacGamer used Go!Animate.com to bring a 404 promo to life, peep this and send in your submission for an opportunity to win some serious shwag:

EPISODE 164

On today's show: The honorable Clayton Morris joins us for a hilarious high energy show. We recap our Fox News appearance that never came to be, answer the questions you're too afraid to ask your Doctor, relive this decade's greatest meeting of the minds, and quiver in fear over Boeing's newest air-to-ground laser turret.

Clayton Morris, ladies and gentlemen! That's right, The 404's all-time favorite guest steps into the studio this morning and helps us out of our Olympic rut. That's right, you'll be happy to hear that there's absolutely no mention of the Olympics in today's episode. I must admit that Jeff, Wilson, and I are officially Clayton Morris fanboys. Of course, we love (almost) all the guests we have on the show, but it's always a nonstop laughfest when Mr. Morris shows up. After Wilson is done playing into Chinese stereotypes and just generally making the Chinese race look bad, Clayton retells the timeless story of how The 404 almost made it on Fox and Friends. It was a close call, but the stars just didn't line up that day and we ended up getting bumped. But, here's a big thanks to Clayton, Fox and Friends, and the production assistant that spent a week in the dumpster trying to fish out the tape of our 3 minute segment; try tomato juice, friend, works every time. But not to worry! We'll definitely make it back to the Fox studios at some point in the future, and we're more than happy to have Clayton on our small-time outfit.

Taking a cue from the book Why Do Men Have Nipples, Fox and Friends recently had a segment on their show called, "Questions you were always afraid to ask your doctor." Out of the hundreds of anonymously submitted e-mails, Clayton chooses a few to tell us about, and (without giving too much away) I'll just say that Clayton drops a "T" bomb that I'm almost positive has never been said on The 404. I'll give you hint: it sort of rhymes with "vegetables." Aside from that, I don't think I'd feel comfortable even writing the other questions they received-- you'll just have to listen to the show to get Clayton's take. If you have some embarrassingly disturbing questions you'd like to have answered over a live TV broadcast, feel free to send them to Fox and Friends at "friends{at}foxnews{dot}com." I know they'll get at least one from The 404 about the mysterious rash on Jeff's underbelly.

Next, Jeff and I replay the groundbreaking event that occurred right here at the CNET NY offices. New York experienced the first ever overlap between video games and printers, a "beat mash-up," if you will. It was crazy, let me tell you: in a scene only Jackson Pollock could appreciate, we successfully altered the cover image for Madden '09 and printed it out on full color photo paper! We tell the entire story to an astounded Wilson Tang, who almost falls out of his seat when he hears about our great partnership. Personally, I can't recall such a triumphant assemblage since President Ronald Reagan traveled to Geneva in November 1985 for a summit meeting with Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev. It was nothing short of a miracle.

We wrap up the episode with a little bro-down sesh with Clayton. We show him the pre- and post-photoshopped pictures of the new Lara Croft (definitely NSFW), explore the multiple uses of an air-to-ground laser turret, and discuss how to smuggle an air bazooka into a food court. All that and plenty more filth from our sloppy mouths, so enjoy! Finally, check out a few pictures that were sent to us by various listeners from around the world--we clearly have listeners in very high places.

EPISODE 163

On today's show: Heroic and controversial news from the 2008 Summer Olympics, Michael Phelps dominates the competition, Chinese gymnasts gettin' shady wit it, child abuse in the form of gymnastics training, the great bigfoot unveiling, Favre team traitor trading, Hawaii Five-0 remake, and submission from our 404 GoAnimate competition!

I know that we've talked almost nonstop about the Olympics this week, but we have to considering all the crazy controversy going on this year. I actually can't remember the last time I've heard so much news about the Olympics that didn't have to do directly with the events themselves! In all fairness, you have to give it up to Michael Phelps, though, the dude is crushing the competition this year, racking up five gold metal victories for the American swim team. He did the 200-meter butterfly (4 laps) in 1:52.03--that's just ridiculous. Someone check this kid for fins or webbed feet, anything! The guy is a beast, I'm about 90 percent sure that Phelps is moonlighting as the Mariner from Waterworld.

Unfortunately, we must report some bad news with the good. The 2008 Olympics aren't without controversy, and the latest one to surface is surrounding the Chinese gymnastics team. Now we all know that gymnasts are wee folk, and a compact figure works well in the sport for flexibility and strength in a small package, but there's an age requirement for the Olympics (16 years old). Judging by some of these pictures, I'd say that it's a tough call to make. Asian females always look much younger than they actually are, so combined with the fact that these are gymnasts, it makes it really hard to determine their age. Ages 16 and 14 are the most physically formative years anyway, so it's even more ambiguous. During the show, we also get into the fact that the age isn't as much of an issue as the way Chinese gymnasts are raised. This article describes the process as the "Chinese Gulag," replete with "children grimacing while being twisted into pretzels to improve their flexibility." Yikes, I thought my parents' forcing me to play piano for a few years was torture.

Believe it or not, we do actually get into more stories that don't have to do with the Olympics. First one is my personal favorite leap of faith about everyone's favorite fur ball bigfoot! Jeff and Wilson don't want to talk about this story because they're clearly afraid of the truth, but I press the issue and get into it, and they're going to be really sorry when they realize that they passed up the chance to reveal groundbreaking cryptic news. Two random dudes and an official "bigfoot researcher" will unveil a creature they claim to be bigfoot at a media conference this Friday in Palo Alto, Calif. They have DNA and photo evidence to back up their claim, and a picture of the creature frozen in a box is already leaked on the Internet, and judging from the pics, I'm buying it. I don't care what Jeff, Wilson, or any other hater says, it's got to be him. I'm tired of all these viral marketing ploys, but at the same time, I'm also still receptive to the idea that bigfoot actually exists. We've all seen dudes with super hairy backs and whatnot, why can't that same physical characteristic be applied to a half man, half monkey's entire body? Totally plausible.

We also get into many more news stories involving Brett Favre's Madden curse and subsequent team switcheroo, the new Hawaii Five-O remake, crotchety Tomb Raider girls, and the winners of the World Sauna Competition! Most importantly, I want to remind you guys about our ongoing contest to see who can make the funniest story about The 404 using the software at Go!Animate.com. The contest ends next Tuesday, August 19, so be sure to get your entries in as soon as possible. We've already received several submissions, and they've all been excellent so step your game up! Check out the current animation-to-beat: think you can do better? BRING IT!

EPISODE 162

On the show today: Justin calls in from bed, the Spanish Olympic basketball team is a bunch of racists, some chicks are using wide contact lenses to achieve "Anime eyes," fake porn inspectors, and putting Lojack in your PS3.

Sorry--today's post just won't be as long as Justin wants. It's just not gonna happen. We don't understand how he finds the time to do it anyway, so we're not gonna try and do it ourselves.

With Justin's trip to the "doctor," it leaves Wilson and I to fend for ourselves in the 404 podcast studio. I brought in a Yankee Candle Car Jar today for the studio to improve the overall air quality as some people have begun to comment on the room's overall cleanliness. It's honeydew-melon scented and now that it's combined with the 404 scent (not available in stores) I think I may have worsened the situation altogether. No matter. The show will go on.

So it turns out the Spanish Olympic basketball team is nothing but a bunch of d-bag racists. They ran an ad in a major Spanish newspaper displaying the entire team making "slanted-eye gestures" on their faces. The nerve! How do people like this exist in this day and age?

The Chinese Olympic Committee had some of their own bias when they decided to ban a girl who had crooked teeth from singing at the Olympics and replace her with a girl whose teeth were straight. Crooked-teeth-girl still sang, she just apparently needed a stunt-double to lip sync and be on camera.

Contact lenses that make your eyes look like those of an Anime character? Sign me up! I'll shove any unnatural device directly into my ocular cavity if it makes me look like a damn cartoon character! Seriously, these people need a violent reality check.

And lastly, the story of the stolen PS3 that called home. Finally, some revenge for a man who got his $600 Blu-ray player jacked. They should make the thief have to own an HD-DVD player for the rest of his stupid life.

Alright, it's back to work for me. I hope Justin approves of my take on his rant-format blog post. We'll see you guys tomorrow.

EPISODE 161