onion

For any writer who is trying to be funny, there is a very special pain that comes when someone doesn't get the joke.

It hits you somewhere beneath the ribs and the pain then courses around your torso, before finally emerging, days later, from a nostril.

This is a feeling that must often infect those who toil at The Onion, a place that attempts to offer truth delivered through comedic fiction. Sometimes, though, the Onion's writers are just too good. So good, indeed, that people take to Facebook to display their amusing stories as facts.

Now an enterprising … Read more

The FCC is coming for the schools and churches just like that crazy guy on the corner told you! On June 12, it'll require anybody using a wireless microphone that operators in the 700 MHZ spectrum to stop using that mic. That's right. The purge is coming! For microphones!. Actually, it'll affect Broadway shows, too. Will the FCC be able to round up the ne'er-do-wells? Will Google ruin U.S.-China relations? Well, that's another story. Literally.

The Onion nicely parodies the often irrational (but highly predictable) drivers behind the constant treadmill of electronic gizmo introductions and the unrelenting consumer interest in each new launch:

With the holiday shopping season officially under way, millions of consumers proceeded to their nearest commercial centers this week in hopes of acquiring the latest, and therefore most desirable, personal device.

The device, which is never named, retails for $395.

"Its higher price indicates to me that it is superior, and that not everyone will be able to afford it, which only makes me want to possess it more," said … Read more

It may not be April Fools', but don't tell that to The Onion. On Monday, the satire magazine posted news of its fake sale to a fictional Chinese company called Yu Wan Mei that specializes in "amalgamated salvage fisheries and polymer injection."

Along with changes to all of The Onion's front page content, the site's online store underwent a revamp with some humorous entries. The best? A $4,250.99 mystery device with no purpose or explanation besides three glowing LEDs and what looks like a cell phone antenna. Its description simply reads "the … Read more

This just in: things are so miserable in the news business that you can't even turn a buck in the fake news business.

The Onion, a print publication that satirizes the news, is for sale, according to a story that appeared Wednesday in Gawker.

Citing an unnamed source, the blog reported that The Onion is "in negotiations to sell to a large media company." Gawker said the source did not know how far the negotiations had progressed.

In recent months, The Onion has appeared to suffer the same advertising and high print-cost troubles as "real" … Read more

To avoid a trademark problem should we call it gnetbook, pnetbook or knetbook? Cooley thinks all the ideas are pretty. Google wants to mind your power for you, but if they treat that data like they do your posts on blogger you may find your dryer deleted without notice.

Sony INT-W250 WebTV High-Speed Linkup http://www.theonion.com/

You have until the end of the day to download Windows 7 http://news.cnet.com/8301-13860_3-10160285-56.html

Google PowerMeter http://www.google.org/powermeter/howitworks.html

Google deleting blog posts without warning http://www.laweekly.com/2009-02-05/music/google-39-s-new-killer-app-why-are-music-bloggers-39-posts-disappearing-and-who-is-deleting-them/all… Read more

One of my grandmothers swears by cutting onions under running water. The other recommends lighting a candle with a scent heavy enough to overwhelm onion vapors. Neither trick--or any other old wives' tale, for that matter--has prevented me from tearing up whenever I'm slicing onions. But RSVP's Onion Goggles seem to do the job, without resorting to any unusual tricks.

Goggles and contact lenses have been proven fairly effective in reducing or preventing tears while you cut onions. The Onion Goggles use a comfortable foam to create a seal that protects your eyes from onion vapors, along with … Read more

With advertisers and marketers polluting the Web with scads of pseudo "viral videos" it's nice to see a legitimate one crop up.

In a lampoon of CNN and mainstream media, alternative news source The Onion informs us of an approaching disaster: "Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted by 2013."

The Onion News Network reports that we're burning through the entertainment value of the teen-pop sensation "at far more aggressive rates" than we did of Lindsay Lohan or the Olsen twins. The latter women were "bountiful entertainment resources that our … Read more