Rants

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler." --Albert Einstein

Oh goody, you can watch YouTube on your iPhone, but what if you just want a phone? I tried to buy a phone that's just a phone, and wound up with a Samsung SCH-u540. Is it just me or do you think it's odd that a phone comes with a 151 page User Manual?

Manufacturers load on features to sell product--whatever it is--phones, coffee makers, micro-wave ovens, or A/V receivers. Here's the deep, dark ugly truth: the features don'… Read more

Downloads cheat you out of most of the music. Blame it on the way MP3s and the other lossy codecs work--they "throw away" as much as 90% of the original recording's information to squeeze the data into smaller files. The fuzzy logic behind this musical abomination is the missing information isn't audible, and if you never plan to listen to the music you love over anything better than a set of $29 plastic computer speakers or the freebie ear buds that come with your iPod, I'll concede the point. So sure, if you don't … Read more

As an "investment" video sucks. Before you plunk down big bucks on today's cutting edge video just ponder for a second that what you buy today will be tomorrow's landfill.

Pick up a good set of speakers and they'll stick around for a long, long time. Anybody who dropped $15K on an early generation plasma display has surely replaced it years ago, and is probably on their second or third set by now. So their total investment may be approaching twenty Gs! Remember too that early plasmas were standard definition sets and their picture quality … Read more

The other day, an associate asked me, "Why don't investors diversify when virtually every investment professional on the planet says they should?"

"I haven't a clue," I said.

Those who know me are probably in shock right now. You see, I've got an answer for everything. Not that I always know what I'm talking about; I just act as if I do. I know, it's a gift.

My wife, who is much smarter than I am, actually knows about a lot of the stuff that I so callously pull out of my ass. It drives her crazy.

Maybe that's why I do it.

Anyway, I got to thinking, why stop there? I mean, why just diversify your investments? Life is risky business. Why not diversify everything? I mean, if you have just one job, the company might go under or you might get fired. Become a consultant, like me, and work for lots of companies. Problem solved.

Have a bunch of kids. If one turns out to be an a-hole or a druggy, just write him off. There's plenty more where he came from.

Cat got hit by a car? No problem, you've got three more to rub up against you and purr.

Instead of remodeling your home, get a second one, just in case the first one burns down or your wife kicks you out.

All your PCs run on Microsoft operating systems? You're just asking for trouble.… Read more

The other day I was talking on my cell phone and tried to walk into Trader Joe's through the exit door. I looked up to find a row of registers blocking my way and a guy with a name tag looking at me funny.

"Hey man, why don't you get that thing out of your ear?" he said, not entirely without humor.

He had a point.

It's ironic. I make fun of people who drive around with these things glued to their ears. I imagine they can't stand a minute alone with themselves and their thoughts. Hungry for distraction, desperate for human contact, they talk, talk, talk.

I have a neighbor who I think had her cell phone surgically attached to her head. It has to be; it's always there. I heard that one of her kids was actually born that way. I'm thinking it's a new genetic mutation that will eventually propagate through the entire human race.… Read more