My CNET handlers don't waterboard me.
As far as I know, they haven't yet positioned a drone above my house.
However, occasionally I am offered an imposition that it is impossible to refuse. They make that clear.
"Hey, look," an e-mail told me. "Now you can haz your Twitter in LOLCat language. Happeh?"
I thought this a prank. It's Friday afternoon, so I was sure that someone must have opened a six-pack of Beck's Light.