BlackBerry Bold 9650 (Verizon Wireless)

Pros: It can text.

Cons: See the summary below for all the pain this phone has caused me.

Summary: We'll start with the list of problems I've had with this phone and then end with a rant.
1. The F key works half the time.
2. Occasionally the phone decides to no longer ring and/or vibrate.
3. The phone once died completely and required a replacement.
4. Calls are often dropped for no apparent reason, even when the call recipient and I are both standing still in locations with full signals.
5. The internet browser is the slowest I've ever seen and hangs up constantly.
6. Sometimes apps don't actually close when you close them.
7. The battery's life span is shorter than that of a fruit fly even when no apps are running, but when apps are running, you might as well drop the phone in a puddle of burning jet fuel because that's how long it will last.
8. Reboots often take over 10 minutes.
9. I pay a lot of money every month for the enterprise data plan so that my phone will sync calendar entries and contacts with my office PC. My phone has not accurately synced calendars or contacts for at least 4 months now despite hours of troubleshooting.
10. Emails do not accurately sync with my office PC running Microsoft Exchange Server.
11. One time the memory card was 'damaged' and required that I manually run a 'repair' feature each time I booted the phone, which never actually worked.
12. Changing the theme sometimes alters "hidden" settings that cause unusual problems for months to come.
13. The camera is of the poorest quality and is worthless in low light.
14. The camera has a delay of more than one second.
15. Deleted apps are sometimes not removed from the menu screen, leaving a phantom button.
16. Home page notifications are often incorrect and are notoriously difficult to alter.
17. Phone settings are scattered under multiple locations and subfolders.
18. The phone often hangs up and refuses to accept any input for periods ranging from a few seconds to a few minutes.
19. The 'lock' feature is not dependable and often results in unwarranted calls while the phone is in your pocket/bag.
20. There is no available setting which will allow the alarm clock feature to work while silencing phone calls and texts.

There are some more general features about the phone which I don't like but these may be a matter of preference. In short, I hate this phone as much as a human being can hate a phone. When I can afford to upgrade to a better phone, I will do so, and then I will urinate on this Blackberry, douse it with lighter fluid and set it on fire. I will then drink a beer and watch Office Space on my new phone which will be able to stream the entire movie without freezing, dying, or losing a connection. That is all.